My high school boyfriend and I had no idea what we were doing. I want to think that we were just as clueless as anybody else but in actuality we were worse. I had a very limited experience with dating and he had even less. Where I excelled was research; I had been watching relationships on TV for years. I believed I knew just about everything there was to know about being in a relationship. So I was surprised when my boyfriend knew absolutely nothing – and I mean nothing – about dating. Even little things that you would assume one would pick up simply by observing others interact seemed to whiz right over his head. One of my biggest regrets is that I did not teach him more in our two years together.
Our first kiss was in a park, on a January night and it was bad — really bad.
In fact, I will go on record, for the first time, and say that it is and was my worst kiss. If he wasn’t so damn cute I would have ended it right there. I was a fledgling kisser myself so I wasn’t really confident enough to take control of the situation, but it was completely out of my hands anyways. We both leaned in for it and haphazardly closed our eyes and opened our mouths, trusting they would find each other. I think we both sort of believed that that was all it took; that somehow our tongues would switch to autopilot and figure out the rest on their own. Instead our lips met and remained static while our tongues just swirled around one another for about five minutes. It was sloppy and noisy. If that sounds at all like the proper way to kiss, then I am not explaining it well enough. Half way through I opened my eyes and just stared at his closed ones to remind myself that a beautiful boy was letting me kiss him and to take what I could get. When it was over I looked at my watch to see if it actually lasted as long as it felt it did. It was my longest makeout to date.
The strange thing is though, as bad as it was, I got so high off it. When I got home I saw myself in the mirror and noticed this glow I had. No one had ever told me that your lips swell up and your cheeks flush. I had this goofy grin on my face that now I can spot on pretty much anyone. I could smell his spit on me (I said it was sloppy) and I didn’t want it to go away. I knew I had to keep kissing and see how long this high lasts. I still really haven’t found any end to it.
